My Chiang Mai: Dating in Thailand

I've been in Thailand for approaching five years, and in that time I would say that I have had a real crack at the whip, when it comes to dating. Please don't take that literally, I have yet to get in to the world of bondage, although I am open to ideas.

Dating can be a lot of fun with a person from a totally different culture - at the same time it can be an absolute nightmare. Thai culture is very different from English culture in every way, and that includes dating. If you endeavor to date a Thai woman while you are staying in Thailand, then be prepared for many cross-cultural misunderstandings.

Then again it also depends on the girl you are dating. Most people are familiar with this county's somewhat sleazy reputation - and many people are drawn to Thailand because of this rep. If you decide to date a girl that works in the sex labour racket, then don't be shocked when you find out that all she was really after was your cash - not only that, she already has five other guys from all over the globe sending her money.

In my experience, all men that have dated bar girls have at some point found trouble; then again, there are a lot of men I haven't met. And who really could blame the girls for wanting out of a life of poverty? Poor in Thailand means just that, it's not the same kind of poor we know in the West.

There are plenty of girls who don't work in sex labour and want to find foreign boyfriends, God knows why, but they do. Some are just looking to practice their English skills, while others seem to have a very romantic view of foreign gents. In my experience, dating any kind of girl over here has been a bit of a nightmare.

It all started badly. I remember my first date over here, I had picked up the courage to ask a university student to see a movie, and when she turned up that night, she came with another girl, and for the following few dates after that, she came with another girl. I actually thought at the time that both girls liked me, and this was some kind of kinky ménage à trois (she seemed so innocent too).

Later I came to understand that most Thai 'good girls' will always bring a chaperone for the first few dates. It's these little misunderstandings that make it interesting, but at the same time, it can be confusing. This is the country where I was first knocked back for trying to kiss a girl, and that was after two months of dating.

Most Thai girls will want to date you for a while before taking the plunge. If she does take the plunge, then expect to be spending a lot of time with her from there on in; expect that she will have marriage and children hanging around in her dreams.

I know we are all different and it's unfair to label people without ever meeting them, but I assure there are certain cultural rules that exist in our cultures, we are all made up of these rules, which you may not realize until you have spent a lot of time outside your country.

Thais don't like to lose face; they would rather let a problem heave and bubble in their minds before they will let it all out. All the foreign girls I have dated have never had a problem with shouting and screaming; however, this doesn't go down well with Thais.

The last girl I was dating didn't pick up the phone when I called her; she didn't turn up for our date; she then turned off her phone for two days. When I finally got through I yelled at her, calling her selfish and unreliable - after all, I had waited in for the whole time.

Now, Thais don't usually act in this explosive way; speaking for myself, I have always spoken my mind, I can't hold much back. She dumped me after, telling me that no one had ever spoken to her in such a way. Maybe that's true. Thai girls really don't like loud arguments and they don't like being shouted at. There's no make-up sex after the bust up; after the bust up, she cries and retreats, and you end up feeling bad.

I have dated a lot of girls over here I know I would never be interested in back in England, however, it's very hard to discern someone's personality when you are speaking pidgin English mixed with pathetic attempts at Thai. The beauty and the sex appeal will draw you in, but these things don't have much longevity and the relationship will eventually burn out.

Reading this is probably not much help for anyone, and anyway, messing up is always half the fun.

James Farrell from the UK.

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